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boredom strikes back

to please a person who doesn't think of me as among the sahabat, i shall do this.

++aPe yG peNtinG dlM hiDup kAmu??++
• to do good and live life as it is.

++aPE bnDe tEraKhiR yG anDa bLi nGAn duIt Sndr??++
• a packet of nasi lemak for breakfast.

++diMAnAkAh tMpT imPiAN pErkAhwiNAn aNDa??++
• anyway that would please the other half. am happy most when the other half is happy most.

++bRApe LAme hBgN kMu bErkEkalAn??++
• heterosexual romance which i dream of marriage? almost a year.

++adAkAH aNda sDg diLamUn CinTA??++
• almost.

++diMAnAkaH rEstoRAn tEraKHir KaMu mKn mLm??++
• paddington house of pancakes of monday. the portion was pretty good i must say.

++DiMAnAkH bUku tErAKhir KAmu Bli??++
• gig at ampang.

++NaMe PenUh ANdA++
• death.

++KaMu LbiH SnG nGAn AYh oR mAk++
• depends. when you reach certain age, there are things you would want to share with the mother and there are things father could be best for you to go to. notwithstanding to that, some times, it just best for you to go to them both.

++NAmAkAN SesEoRg yG kAMu NAk jmPE sGT++
• a person i haven't met in like 15 months.

++8 ShbT yG rapAt NGAn Anda++
• i don't really have any. i suppose.

++Adakah KAmu mEnCuci PakAiaN SndR??++
• not really. the machine does most of the hard work.

++TmpT yG SEroNok KAmu iNgIn pErgi++
• hell. it must be fun there.

++5 BnDE TntG oRG yg TAg KAmu++
• undecided, role player, too nice, pretty voice, and can play guitar.

++8 PErkArA yG di GiLAi++
• cats. kids. cute girls. good books. good music. good food. good film. good animation/anime.

++PeLUkAN oR CiuMAn??++
• am i a lover or am i a liar?

++8 buAH BukU yG bRu dibaCe++
• the life of pi, the curious case of benjamin button, crime and punishment, subuh, gulat di jakarta, panrita, ekonomi malaysia, and love in the time of cholera.

++8 LgU yG boLEh dGR b'UlaNg KAli++
• any songs from radiohead-the bends album, sierra - cursive, the scientist - coldplay, paranoid - black sabbath, off to ruin - cave in, lucky - jason mraz, aku milikmu - dewa 19 and any songs from p.ramlee's movies, never tire of it.

++nAk tAG 8 oRg++
not going to...

kecil

sudah lama tidak menulis.

hari ini bermula seperti biasa. tapi petang ini entah mengapa tiba-tiba aku terasa begitu kecil sekali.

aku rasa begitu hina.
begitu rendah diri.
begitu kosong.
rasa seperti hidup aku ini tiada berkepentingan.
buat diri sendiri, keluarga, teman, mereka di sekeliling apatah lagi mereka yang langsung tidak mengenali diri.

aku benci rasa sebegini. tapi itu lah yang aku rasa kebelakangan ini.
seperti ada yang kekurangan. kekosongan yang perlu di isi. dengan apa? aku pun tidak pasti.

aku rasa begitu kecil.

tag

I was tagged by a friend. Contemplating whether should or shouldn’t I fill them in. Finally I decided to give it a try. No harm I suppose. Am not sure though what exactly should I put in (ya ya, I know it should be random), but since the friend had already done it, I took what was written in there and put in my take. Can do lah.

Directions:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you.
At the end, choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

1. The most precious people in my life? I would agree that my family would come first especially my youngest brother and my nephew.
2. Things I love? Material-wise, I don’t value them much. Take CDs or records for example, no matter how much I love that particular artist(es), I would most probably sell or give them away after a year or two.
3. Things that annoyed me most? I’m most annoyed by my lack of guts!
4. People that I care and love? I love every single being around me no matter how they feel about me. Yeah, that includes that rabid dog which is always has his eyes on me at Brickfields. Jaga lu!
5. Memories that I value most? A lots. From my childhood, years in Seremban, punk, loathing in Shah Alam, loves gone awry, etc etc…
6. Again, things I hate? (perhaps more specific this time) – And again, I HATE my lack of guts and commitmentphobia. I’m not able to declare my feelings. Which I believe is the reason of my unfruitful r/ship. Never once in my life that I be the first to confess my feelings, it had always be the other way around – which was a relief! And, and when I did that once – I failed miserably!
7. My favourite number? I never know. Really. 18 maybe. My birthday and my future girlfriend age. LOL. Nak mampus.
8. Am I an animal lover? Depends. But I’m a cat-person for sure. Love to look at puppies and hope one day, I’ll be brave enough to belai-belai them. (no, not religion thingy that is stopping me now, just so you know)
9. Can I get infuriated easily? Recovering, perhaps. No joke!
10. Do I trust in people? Unfortunately, I do. Not entirely though, especially if I could sense retaliation, but I’m at 97% of the time would only share things that wouldn’t do harm to me. Otherwise, it would be kept with me til I die.
11. Again, things I love? (perhaps more specific this time) I put this up on my facebook. I love kids, cats, (cute) girls, good foods, good books, good movies, good loud (and melodic) music and 1001 other stuffs. And I like someone which is NOW I feel that could NEVER tell her and NOTHING will ever happen between the two of us. Nothing.
12. About me? Commitmentphobia opti-pessimist idealist-bed-revolutionist
13. My worst attitude? I can’t be talam dua (2) muka, which is crucial at this age.
14. Do I have any hesitation? A lot. Due to my inability to show my true feelings, people around me tend to get bore and feels that they are not valued. If that what it takes, I will try harder and harder and harder.
15. What I can’t stand most? Too many.
16. What I afraid most? Being misinterpreted, misunderstood and am not able to amend things.

Friends to be tagged?

Nah..I’ll skip ;)

mengantuk but it feels good nonetheless

wah. dari semalam bangun seawal jam9 pagi. basuh pakaian. ke kedai printing (mahal!) di sekitar tmn desa. banyak pamphlet juga poster/infomercial yang perlu di print dan tanpa disedari sudah hampir jam12 siang. bergegas ke lokasi di ampang. sebaik tiba, lebih kurang jam 1230 siang, sudah terdapat sejumlah teman di sana, terutama penganjur sendiri. ramai yang sudah siap menyusun-atur "space" mereka. hari ini aku jadi wakil NOSC. tugas aku? tampal segala yang aku print tadi. siapkan uncang beg untuk di letakkan pamphlet yang sudah di print, dan jika ada yang ingin tahu lebih lanjut akan soal kolektif, memberi bantuan dan menjawab pertanyaan. ringkas. malah jadi lebih ringkas bila tiada seorang pun yang akhirnya bertanya soal kolektif. patut kah aku gembira kerana tidak perlu melayan kerenah dan seribu macam persoalan? aku harus. namun, aku rasa sebaliknya. hurm...

apa-apapun, pendapat aku, gig semalam agak well-organised. memang terdapat sedikit "loop hole" di sana sini, tapi aku rasa nothing major. objektif tercapai. pada pandangan aku lah. yang aku lihat tujuan gig semalam ada lah untuk semacam empowering womyn especially those yang involve di dalam "scene". mungkin lebih di dalam diy konteks. penglibatan dalam soal2 administrasi penganjuran gig, ekualiti di dalam mosh pit etc. begitu juga bagi aku salah satu dari workshop yang aku sempat hadiri, aku dapati ia menarik dan sekurang-kurangnya, memberi ilmu baru kepada aku. nah. tidak aku pernah terfikir soal alternatives pad! menarik cuma aku fikir jika lebih ramai yang participate ia akan jadi lebih menarik. tapi apa daya, jika semua orang ke tingkat dua, maka band yang perform di bawah, akan main untuk empty audience pula bukan?

turn-out yang sangat memberangsangkan. aku jangka lebih kurang 300-400 orang hadir semada sebagai penganjur, pemain musik, crew dan yang lain-lain. angka yang bagi aku, luar biasa mungkin? begitu pun aku sangat berpuas hati kerana dapat berjumpa kenalan lama & baru, juga mereka yang sebelumnya mungkin "oh, i saw you at this and this gig a few time, but never got the chance to tegur2 or sembang2 lah. what's your name again, sir/mam?" sort of friend. hehe.. managed to bought some good books and zines; dapat restraint diri dari godaan cd2 menarik yang akhirnya - GAGAL di sebaik pulang ke StudioShopSpace, wow...Glenn (Singapore friend) ada bawa a few copies of a few titles of CDs of a few of my "Wanted List" bands. So, I bought all four; Stop It!, Circle Takes The Square, The Red Chord and the fucking Daughters. Ah, still owe PakTua the cash lah. By any chance if some day that En Azhan looking at this, please remind me to pay you back yah.

Stop It! Mula-mula dengar nama mereka melalui interview di dalam HeartAttack. Sangat berminat untuk find out pasal mereka. Namun tidak kesempatan mendengar serta lebih penting memiliki full-length mereka. Damn! Fucking brilliant post-fucking-punk-rock! PERIOD!

Since aku berjaya dapatkan CD mereka, itu really made my day yang masih sampai kini hampir jam10 pagi Ahad, masih belum lelapkan mata dan yang paling tak tahan, di pejabat seawal jam 730 pagi di (sekali lagi) pagi Ahad yang sepatutnya di habiskan di bilik menonton DVD atau membaca buku-buku karya Prem atau bersama teman-teman bercanda di tepian kolam.

Tammat.

disaster

ok. it was near the end of 2004.

we split-up and since then, i heard nothing from her. i never even really know why we end-up the way we ended-up.

being heart-broken, i decided to name a gig as "a disaster after valentine's". no one really know why i gave such a title. it may bring bad luck some suggested. i don't bother. the label name itself means bad luck. what to expect then? and it fits well since the gig was indeed organised almost a week after valentine's.

i was broken-hearted and to finally be able to organise a gig under own label and to have bands that made up of mostly friends and those that i really love, i can't be happier. luckily, it was a success. since then, the gig had been organised every year, some time after the valentine's. last year, 2008, saw its fourth installment. it was postponed until april since the touring band (off minor) would only come later and it should be a finale. the end of its series. the last gig from the struggling label. it went ok. and to some extent i would say i was really pleased. that was some happy moment i would treasure.

now, it's feb 2009. i'm still single. what luck eh? am i really that afraid of commitment? i never know for sure. five years gone and it feels just like yesterday. now my head start to think, no, not the question of when will i have a steady gf or "worse" getting married but, but... should i revive the Valentine's DISASTER?

to do in march

pokai tak pokai!


1. Thierry Mugler - A*Men
2. Gitar Kapok Elektrik
3. Basikal Litespeed?
4. Attend 2 wedding receptions dkt Kelate
5. Maksudnya kena blk kg! - cost, cost, cost
6. Oh ya, need to buy new bed sheet, or a new tilam after all! (termite gile)
7. Juga a new langsir. Now I feel exposed everytime that cute girl rumah atas came out sidai baju.

monetary impact: negative!

conclusion: after almost two years of working I still don't have any savings. d'oh.

kritikal

sabtu ini aku ditugaskan sebagai wakil NOSC ke DIY Femme Fest '09 (flyer di sebelah kiri).



hope it will be fun.

and yes, am looking forward to catch tormentress :)

things are hard

Dilbert is awfully funny.

I altered the dialogue a bit and it makes total sense for me. LOL.


"Being worthless is only hard for the first 25 years. "


"After that, it's a lifestyle."



Awfully true.

10 bands that changed my life

crap.

lama gile tak update. akal buntu. work. work. work. how am i suppose to complete this macro economic overview crap, i really don't have any idea. at least not now. jadi better aku buat keje tak guna ini. i listened to a lot (yeah, i mean A LOT) of music, tak kira lah samada dari kaset, cd, piring hitam, video, etc yang original mahupun tiruan malahan mp3s dan lain2 format online. tapi, di sini aku ingin listkan 10 bands yang menggegarkan hidup aku semenjak aku mengenal musik.

1. WOW/WAU - time aku darjah ntah berapa, aku terdengar satu lagu ni dalam radio. aku tak ingat tajuk lagu atau ejaan sebenar band ni, wow atau wau atau lain2 tp bunyi nya tetap, "wow!". balada rock. yes. mulai saat itu, baru aku btol2 nk dig musik rock tak kira lah dari apa cabang pun. sebelum tu mmg la dengar segala ape Search, Wings, XPDC, Olan, SYJ, etc tp minat gile tu takde. dengan lagu wow tu la aku jadi budak kecik yg tiap2 hari nk kena dengar radio siap dengan kaset kosong utk dub/record lagu2 yg kuar dlm radio.

2. FUGAZI - mungkin ramai yg kenal aku tau betapa influential nya mereka ini terhadap aku. aku tidak pernah dengar perkataan hardcore, punk, skinhead ke ape2, tp aku mengenal perkataan FUGAZI ini terlebih dahulu! Semenjak Ogy Ahmad Daud membuat liputan FUGAZI perform di KL dlm Melodi yg bersiaran di TV3, aku dengan begitu kerap ke cyber cafe di Kota Bharu dan juga di Seremban (fucking expensive!) untuk find out siapa mereka, apa yg mereka sahutkan, kenapa mereka begitu, bagaimana boleh jadi begitu dan seribu satu persoalan lain. namun atas sebab limitasi ilmu IT aku, tak byk yg berjaya aku discover except ada 1 band ni dlm salah satu dr ribuan interbiu korang (aku rasa), mentioned yg FUGAZI ada influence musik mereka dan aku dapati band itu agak famous di Malaysia dan tidak lah mustahil utk find out more about Fugazi through this band. Dan band itu adalah.....

3. NIRVANA - Yah! Corporate Rock Still Sucks! Band yg aku maksudkan tadi adalah Nirvana. Kurt Cobain ada mentioned that Fugazi ada sedikit sebanyak influence dorang jgk. Ye lah, band2 yg sewaktu dengan mereka belaka tu kan, Sonic Youth etc... Dalam pencarian diri aku yg memang pada masa tu, form 1 ke form 2 yg sangat stress (tekanan skolah asrama penuh yg penuh dengan bigotry), aku rasa dpt relate dengan musik dan lirik Nirvana ni. Kemeja kotak dan jeans koyak terus menjadi pilihan. tp bukan kasut. vans ke ape ke, aku mmg dari dulu bukan mat kasut. ntah kenapa pun tak pasti. mungkin sbb aku suka tunjukkan kaki aku yg gebu? haha.. BANGANG. form 2 mmg peak. rokok kuar weekend sekotak kejab je abis. mmg life suck and i want to die la time tu. sampai la aku discover genre yg relate dengan previous band bbdk fugazi tu, MINOR THREAT. Yehaa... Selepas hampir 2 tahun mencari, aku dpt juga dengan musik serta memahami idea dorang. Very good! very good! This is about to bring a huge change in my life!!!

5. SICK OF IT ALL / CAUSE FOR EFFECT - Yah, 1998. Tahun Reformasi. Bukan sekadar di jalanan. Tp reformasi buat aku juga. Aku mula kenal MT dan discover lebih byk tentang hardcore, punk, oi! dan mcm2 lagi. Even sebelum tu aku dah penah dengar musik2 yg sebegitu (ini positive point dok asrama, pendedahan tu meluas), aku hanya mula minat hardcore as a music selepas mendengar lagu2 SOIA dan juga CFE. Aku harus admit kegagalan utk hadir ke konsert SOIA memang antara kekesalan utama dalam cinta aku terharap musik! Aku nekad. Campak puntung rokok, tinggalkan niat utk minum (walaupun aku agak yakin yg ada beberapa occassion minuman aku telah di campur!), dan about sex bebas, nah...agak naive but to tell the truth, at 15, aku tak terpikir lagi psl pompuan ape lagi sex. Nekad mmg nekad. In 3 months time, aku fully embraced straight edge ideology. tp band old school hardcore malaysia time tu suck. 3 kali aku hantar duit order stuff, tak penah dpt jawapan!!!

6. YAPHET KOTTO - Time flies, dan makin hampir tempoh waktu aku meninggalkan sekolah. Time tu makin rancak dengan aktiviti beli stuff melalui surat. Dalam negara/luar negara. Duit belanja makan sekolah abis dekat situ je. No wonder sampai form5 seluar aku size 28 je. Tu pun longgar & kena pakai belt. Ketika tu semua org tergila dengan Fingerprint dari Perancis. Wow. Best! Aku selidik lagi band2 segenre dengan nya sampai la aku jumpa band di bawah Ebullition Recs ni, Yaphet Kotto. Instantly, emo violence is now my favourite genre!

7. RADIOHEAD - UiTM Shah Alam. Semester Ke-2. Aku tinggal di Perindu. Sebelum itu aku mmg pernah dengar nama dan lagu Radiohead. Malah ketika form 2 seingat aku, di Terminal One Seremban, poster dorang besar2 di tampal dkt satu kedai musik tu. Time tu album OK Computer baru rilis. Aku tak penah teringin nk dig psl konon HC tepu. Tp masuk uni, aku baru tau betapa pentingnya belaian seorang kekasih (haha...crap!). Terus "Creep" menjadi pujaan. Dari saat itu, aku bersusah payah cuba dptkan segala album dorang. Terbaik! Sgt2 terbaik!

8. GLAY - Ini salah sorang member aku yg juga ahli kongi gelap papakerma punya pasal. tahun2 2001, 2002, byk gile drama jepun main dlm tv. aku suka. cerita dia very "soulful". ada jiwa. citer psl kedai kek pn jd best gile. even until today aku sgt suka drama jepun. cuma masa je xde utk tgk n cekidut. dlm byk2 band jepun aku dengar, Glay plg tangkap. Rockstar btol. Dengan meminati Glay, secara langung mempengaruhi aku utk cek out band2 hc/punk yg ada di sana. Maka dengan itu...

9. ENVY - Terjumpalah satu band bernama Envy. Tak mau tulis panjang2.

10. REFUSED - Akhir sekali, aku kena masukkan dorang ni. Byk bukak mata aku utk jd lebih kritikal dan praktikal. Situationist katakan. Hehe..

Band yang aku sgt suka tp tak masuk dlm top10: The Beatles(sbbkan aku cek out blk band2 lama - termasuk Grateful Dead), Creedence Clearwater Revival (Ramones pun cover lagu drg, ape cer!), Unholy Grave (sumpah klu bukan sbb dorang, aku tak minat grind sampai skrg kot) dan 1001+ lagi.

Fuh... Dah terbuang setengah jam. Yeah!